First Experience, Then Words

I read several books in 2025. I dedicated months to them. I processed them, assimilated them. I collected interesting notes in my Zettelkasten. I made connections. The information is there, and I have it in my head (well, not everything :) but still easily accessible).  
But something is missing.  
It still feels like wallpaper in a house that doesn’t feel like mine, or more like tissue paper. I became a manager a year ago, but I haven’t been able to apply that knowledge yet. The situations in which I could apply what I’ve learned aren’t as frequent as when I was a programmer (oh, even then, sometimes you had to wait for the right moment or project). As a manager, time is much more stretched. To apply some things, a specific “setup” within the organization or politically complex situations is required, which I don’t have in my current company (and maybe, for some situations, I’m even lucky not to have to face them).

How do I write about something that doesn’t feel like mine yet? I could do it, like I believe 99% of people writing on LinkedIn and 80% of what is read in books do. But I can’t.  
On LinkedIn, I’ve stopped connecting and reading posts. Often, I don’t even post my own articles. And you can see that from the number of views I get: 0.  
With books, it’s a lottery. Out of all the books I read, I save 6 or 7. Even acclaimed authors (Peter Drucker, I’m looking at you!) didn’t leave me much. Abstractions so fleeting from some authors that, more than wallpaper, I was left with tissue paper.

I tried. I wrote 4 articles, they even seemed “ready,” but something was missing.  
I believe… me.  
If I’m not able to test what I read, well, it’s probably better not to write.  
Maybe it’s better to collect experiences.  
But even there, it’s not about tracking what’s happening with the people on my team, with suppliers, with product people, the Director, CTO, company, etc. It’s about gathering elements and reflecting on them: understanding possible evolutions, figuring out what led to those situations…  
Sometimes I feel like the experiences are there, but I don’t recognize them as such.  
I’m confused.

An example to illustrate what I mean is the most useful text I read in 2025: Wardley Maps by Simon Wardley.  
An incredibly interesting book, but I was able to apply it only 7-8 times in a whole year. Probably 1% of all the work I did. Most of the work in my role as EM consists of actions, meetings, projects… that need to be done. Even though I delegate 100% of the development work, most of my work is still action-oriented. So a brilliant book, but, as of now, unusable.

This is probably why I don’t write much. The part of management I see is made of actions.

And to think that, in order to apply the Zettelkasten method, I even slowed down my reading of books.  
Despite all that studying, here I am. This is what happens when you study faster than you live.  
Yet I always have this doubt: maybe the experiences are there, but I don’t see them?

Perhaps this article is already an attempt to gain experience.  
I don’t know if it’s enough yet, but at least here, rereading it, I’ve found... me.